She Comes First Summary (P2 C28-30): Developing Tension

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In this phase, your fingers and hands come into play, working together with your tongue to steadily build arousal.

A single finger—your index finger—can accomplish a lot.

• Trace the inner lips with your fingertip, teasing the edges.

• Squeeze and pinch them playfully.

• Explore every part of her vulva and pay attention to how she responds.

• Gently stimulate her front commissure.

• Lightly tap her frenulum.

• Tease her fourchette.

• Tickle the base of her vaginal entrance.

While your finger wanders, keep up simple, steady tongue strokes.

When she’s ready, slowly insert the first two inches of your index finger into her vagina. Hold it still and straight while your tongue continues its rhythm. Don’t rush to add more fingers—you’ll save those for later.

The thumb adds a whole new dimension.

• Insert your thumb just inside her vaginal entrance, as though leaving a soft fingerprint. Use shallow movements to stimulate the surface of her vulva.

• Combine it with your index finger: while your finger is inside, rotate your thumb downward toward the six o’clock position to press and tease her perineum. Or rotate upward to twelve o’clock and massage the frenulum just beneath the clitoral head.

A steady hand is essential.

If you’re right-handed, use your left hand for support, since your dominant hand will be busy with finger play. Place your free hand under her buttocks and cradle them firmly. This lets you squeeze her cheeks together, hold her in position, and fine-tune her alignment with your mouth.

Once her clitoral head is fully used to your tongue, it’s time to mix things up. Set your fingers aside for now and focus only on your tongue—while keeping a steady rhythm.

• Horizontal Strokes: Brisk, wet licks across the clitoral head, covering the entire area.

• Diagonal Strokes: Tilt your head slightly and lick diagonally across the clitoral region, brushing the clitoral head in the process. The slower pace feels fresh and stimulating.

• Cat Licks: Short, repetitive licks across the entire vulva, saving the clitoral head for last. Once you get there, linger with more pressure—like a cat digging into a favorite spot.

• Tongue Tip: Part her labia minora with your thumbs to expose the clitoral head. Skim it with gentle, precise strokes from every angle. For extra effect, massage the clitoral shaft with your index fingers at the same time.

Trail your index finger behind your tongue to contrast the softness of your tongue with the firmness of your finger. Start with simple vertical and horizontal paths, then get creative.

This underrated move is powerful—and also gives your tongue a short break.

Rest your tongue flat and firm against her vulva, pressing gently into her vaginal entrance. Often she’ll take over here, grinding against your tongue in the way that feels best for her.

After she’s had her fill of the flat tongue, surprise her with fast vertical and diagonal licks. Then return to the still tongue. Repeat the cycle until she’s trembling.

Forget the “alphabet technique.” Instead, pick one letter and trace it repeatedly with your tongue.

• Capital F: A strong vertical lick from bottom to top, followed by a wide sweep across the head, then a short dash beneath the clitoral hood.

• Lowercase i: A half-length lick upward, topped with a playful dot on the clitoral head.

Whichever letter you choose, repeat it consistently—dozens of times—gradually increasing pressure and intensity.

Form your lips into a gentle seal around the clitoral glans and apply light suction. This boosts blood flow and sensitivity, creating a surge of pleasure.

There’s no set timer on cunnilingus—it lasts as long as it needs to. Every woman is different, and orgasmic potential varies with factors like stress, exercise, diet, hormones, age, medication, and more.

In general:

• Women who masturbate regularly tend to reach orgasm more easily.

• Quality foreplay makes a huge difference.

That said, a typical cunnilingus session lasts 15 to 45 minutes—not including foreplay.

It may sound like a long time, but when you’re both fully immersed, the time flies.

Read the next chapter here.

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