Cold Reading Summary (C3): Common Fears

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We all have the same basic fears.

Understanding these fears is an important part of cold reading.

When you look inside your own mind and honestly deconstruct your own fear, you will be able to describe the fears of others in a more realistic way.

Cold reading the fears of others is useful, but remember that your goal should always be to make the other person feel good.

One way to do this is to first describe the fear and how the person might not have been able to overcome it in the past. 

Then, use that information with some other cold reading techniques (which you will learn soon) to make positive assumptions about their future.

You can apply cold reading to sales. 

The first thing you must do is describe the problem. For example, if trying to sell running shoes, perhaps you will describe a situation where the runner is training, but with his old shoes on. Then he has an important track meet and he is lined up, waiting for the firing gun. If he stumbles or flinches, it could cost him the race. 

Of course, in a real sales pitch you would go into much more descriptive detail, but you get the idea.  

This experience of getting ready to ‘perform’ and having your mind flooded with worst-case scenarios is a universal fear. I could be at a sports event, a business deal, asking out a girl, etc.

Once you have described the problem, you present the solution. But you don’t just blurt out the solution. You must present it in a round-about way.

With the running shoes example, instead of stating the solution is the new running shoes, you would merely describe the shoes. The audience will infer that the shoes are the solution. 

This works because we all have a very powerful cause-effect generator in our brains. When you describe a problem and then describe a possible solution, the human mind will automatically piece it together as “if you buy these shoes, then your problems will be solved” without you having to actually state it.

Once the shoes are described, you will continue to hype them up by listing all the benefits of them. 

Each benefit should be a counter to any specific problem the audience might have in mind.

Many problems are common, but rarely talked about. Since they are rarely talked about, many people believe these problems are unique to them. 

When cold reading someone one-on-one (as opposed to a sales letter) the structure is the same, but the effect is much more powerful.

When you can accurately understand and describe someone’s problems, you will give them the impression that their problems are kind of unique and that you have insight into them.

Most of our fears are social, financial, or health (death) related.

Public speaking, rejection, failure, missing out (FOMO), etc. all fall under one of these main categories. All these fears, and others, are mostly universal.

The more honest you are about your own fears and anxieties, the easier it will be to cold read the fears of others. 

When you accurately describe someone’s fear to them, it’ll create a deep connection very quickly. It will give them the feeling of “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life” in just a few minutes.

It’s important the emotions you describe are congruent with the emotions you project. 

To do this, you must first explore yourself. You do this through journaling. 

Find a place where you can sit and write but that also has many people, such as a busy cafe, beach, or park.

Look at someone you’d have a romantic interest in if they were to take all the risk and approach you. 

Once you have found someone, imagine approaching them. As you imagine this, describe all the fears and anxieties building up in you as accurately as you can.

Next, look for someone you believe to be financially better off than you. Open yourself to the idea of trying to become more financially successful and describe the fears and anxieties that come up. 

Repeat this exercise with many people, from as many perspectives as you can. Remember, most of our fears are social, finance, or health (death) related, so look for people that may have these fears and put yourself in their shoes. 

This will probably be an uncomfortable practice at the start, but the more you do it, the easier it will become. Eventually, you’ll start to notice familiar patterns of fears and anxieties within yourself. Once you get to this level, you’ll be ready to read others. 

At this stage, all you will have to do is watch how other people look around and who they are looking at and you’ll get a good idea of their deep fears and anxieties.

Read the next chapter here.

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