She Comes First Summary

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She Comes First by Ian Kerner emphasizes prioritizing female pleasure, particularly through understanding and stimulating the clitoris. 

The book advocates for communication, patience, and a respectful approach to intimacy, transforming perceptions of sexuality into a more empowering and mutually satisfying experience.

Embrace simplicity and directness. Speak with clarity, and cut out anything that clouds the message. Be authentic and let your true voice shine.

Look closely at the beginning. See what ideas come first. Understand them to understand the rest. Build your knowledge on that strong base.

Be patient and prioritize her pleasure. Take your time with foreplay, especially her first orgasm. Twenty minutes of dedicated attention can make a huge difference in her satisfaction.

Focus on making her climax. Her satisfaction enhances your own pleasure and creates a more fulfilling experience for both of you. Prioritize mutual enjoyment.

See more than just the tip. The clitoris is a complex network, full of nerves and pleasure. Explore the whole area, not just the "love button."

Remember that the clitoris is designed only for pleasure. It's like a hidden treasure, ready to be discovered. Knowing its structure helps you unlock incredible sensations.

Understand that the vagina is not the main source of pleasure. Focus on stimulating the clitoris with hands and mouths, not just penetration. Make her feel good all over.

Forget about making penetration the most important thing. Explore new ways to give pleasure. Enjoy the journey of discovery together, without worrying about performance.

Remember that all orgasms are linked to the clitoris. Whether you call it clitoral, G-spot, or vaginal, the clitoris is always involved in making her feel good.

Stop worrying about the type of orgasm and focus on pleasure. Use your touch to stimulate the clitoris. Make her happy and don't waste time with labels.

Use your tongue with care and focus. Don't rush, be gentle and rhythmic. Keep going until she reaches orgasm, and make it the main event, not just a warm-up.

Think of your tongue as an extension of yourself. When you give her pleasure, you also experience a deep connection. Let go and enjoy the intimacy together.

Remember the past when female pleasure was valued. Challenge societal norms that prioritize the male orgasm. Make her pleasure as important as your own.

Question the idea that women are not interested in sex. Embrace and celebrate her sexuality. Reject outdated views that limit her potential for pleasure.

Reject outdated ideas from Freud. The clitoris is not inferior. Understand it's the key to her pleasure. Learn what she likes and make her feel powerful.

Show respect for her sexuality. Oral sex can be an act of empowerment. Make her the center of attention and let her know she is loved completely.

Learn the right words. "Vulva" is better than "vagina" for describing the outer parts. Knowing the correct terms helps you understand her body and talk about pleasure better.

Explore the vulva, not just the vagina. Understand its different parts, and use accurate words to communicate. Open and honest talk makes your connection stronger.

Explore her body with your hands and eyes. Discover the mons pubis, labia majora, and minora. Learn where she likes to be touched and what feels good.

Don't forget the frenulum, fourchette, and perineum. The clitoral head is super sensitive. Be gentle and patient. Remember, everyone is different.

Feel the clitoral body. Find the shaft under the skin. Know it connects to the legs. This area loves gentle, knowing touch.

Work those PC muscles. Do Kegel exercises. Strong pelvic muscles enhance pleasure. It's a workout for better sex and strong orgasms.

Find the clitoral cluster. It's two inches deep to the bladder. Use massaging pressure. It might feel like needing to pee, but it can lead to great pleasure.

Forget about different types of orgasms. It's all about the clitoris. Stimulate the clitoral cluster. Help her unlock a deeper, more connected pleasure.

Don't stress about making her ejaculate. It's not always a must. The focus should be on her pleasure. Don't let myths get in the way.

Help her enjoy orgasms. Focus on building pleasure. Make sure she has fun. That's the best way to make her happy and satisfied.

Know that the vagina is not the key to pleasure. It's about connection and support. Its lubrication doesn't always mean she is aroused.

Understand all parts and how they work together. Look at the list and familiarize yourself. Soon you will be an expert in every zone.

Follow the story of arousal. Have a beginning, middle, and end. Let excitement build up slowly, reach a peak, then allow for relaxation afterward.

Know the stages of play. Start with foreplay to build excitement. Then comes coreplay, followed by moreplay. Each part is important for her satisfaction.

Know what happens during foreplay. Get blood flowing to her genitals. Make her skin extra sensitive with gentle, loving touch.

Remember the stages after orgasm. Women recover more slowly and enjoy more cuddling. Be there for her. This is a great way to build intimacy.

Trust her body's natural cleanliness. A healthy vagina is self-cleaning. If she smells different, talk openly. See a doctor if needed, but don't assume the worst.

Savor her unique scent and taste. Every woman is different. Don't let anxiety ruin the moment. Transform fear into enthusiasm. Enjoy the experience.

Make oral sex a regular thing. It's an important part of pleasure, no matter your age or beliefs. Communication with your partner is important.

Catch up with the times. Cunnilingus is now commonplace, and many enjoy it. Understand what your partner likes. Remember, quid pro quo.

Practice safe sex. STDs can spread through oral sex. Use protection like dental dams. Be informed about risks. It is a must.

Limit your partners. The more partners you have, the greater the risk. If you think you might have one, get tested. It’s the smart choice.

Don't be casual about safety. Communicate openly, especially with new partners. Prioritize your health. It's a sign of respect, not mistrust.

Make safe sex fun. Incorporate barriers into the pleasure. This is the way to enjoy passion and peace of mind. Experiment with new techniques for safety.

Respect the female process and appreciate the clitoris. Throw away stereotypes and prejudices. Be patient, sensitive, and tender. This is what she deserves.

Communicate the Three Assurances. Make sure it's mutually enjoyable, there's no rush, and you love her taste and scent. Inspire trust. Lead her to pleasure.

Awaken desire and feed it. Nurture arousal and let it grow. Stimulate her senses and build the tension. Then, give her a sweet, sweet release.

Create a perfect experience together. Embrace her essence and connect. Share yourself with generosity and passion. This is what makes pleasure truly special.

See cunnilingus as coreplay, not just foreplay. Focus on the waltz between your tongue and her clitoris. All great sex must have a beginning, middle, and end.

Understand foreplay, coreplay, and moreplay. These three make up the play process. Put on a show together, with a great beginning and satisfying end.

Create anticipation and avoid rushing. Foreplay is about building desire. Wait before touching her genitals, savor the moment and excite the senses.

Communicate with each other. Discover the body's sensitivities. A long, slow process is key. This is the best way to explore and connect to a better experience.

Understand the six stages. There is a first kiss, rhythm, tension, escalation, preorgasm, and orgasm. It sounds hard but it's actually easy.

Follow the steps and you are good to go. From first kiss to lasting sensations. Remember it's also ok to break the rules and use your creative thinking.

Position for comfort and access. Lie on your back and use pillows for support. Bad positions limit access, use of hands, and overall pleasure.

Focus on comfort and access. Be close enough to the vulva to taste and feel. Form should flow from function. It's all about pleasure.

Know her spots. The head, cluster, mons, front, and frenulum. Gentle at first, firmer later. Know that the geography of arousal is unique.

Be gentle and listen to her. Roughness kills pleasure. It is always the wrong choice. Let her lead and set the pace. Trust what she likes.

Make the first kiss special. Approach her vulva with reverence. Kiss it slowly from bottom to top. Enjoy her taste and unique scent. Savor it.

Tease her and build anticipation. Touch the area around her vulva, but not directly. Let her know how excited you are. This creates an unforgettable experience.

Build rhythm, not speed. Make and break contact. Use the tongue, then pause. This excites and prepares the area for stronger pleasure.

Tease and then reward. Alternate between lighter kisses and more direct stimulation. Then give full attention to her clitoris. This creates anticipation.

Get your fingers involved. This isn't just a tongue thing, teamwork is key. Use one finger inside and feel her muscles pulse. Use fingers and thumbs for the perineum.

Support her body with your hands. This provides the base. Also it allows you to move the vulva where it needs to be. This is an important detail.

There's no perfect length. Keep going until she climaxes. If you do your job well then she will have the greatest of times.

Every woman is different. Pay attention and learn what pleases her. Also check her stress level. This is key.

Vary the tongue strokes. Try horizontal, diagonal, and cat licks. Each one builds up the sensitivity. Then alternate it in your performance.

Rest your tongue and let her lead. It is also called Rope-a-Dope. Then use other techniques when you are ready. All of it will excite her.

Find the clitoral cluster and work that spot. Graze the vaginal ceiling with your finger, as said before it surrounds that area. Use firm pressure.

Add more sensation and enjoyment. Stimulate above and below at the same time. Do what you find is more sensual for a great experience.

Insert two fingers gently and feel her muscles contract; use your fingertips to explore and press against her vaginal ceiling with firm, steady pressure.  

Maintain the come-hither clasp, pressing your fingertips into her clitoral cluster and vaginal ceiling, while keeping your tongue on her clitoral head with gentle, steady strokes.

Stay connected by touching and talking, even when focused on oral sex. Remember, she's there with you, so connect more than just your mouths.

Take short breaks, try new forms of stimulation and sip wine during a pause. Keep one hand clasped around her clitoral cluster while you do.

Press firmly with your tongue and try the "gum-press" technique. Let her guide the rhythm and pressure for the best experience.

Use the come-hither clasp with the gum-press for great results. Add your thumb to stimulate the frenulum. With practice you will be a pro.

Don't rush or be rough; slow, gentle movements work best. Remember, she needs to enjoy the process, so relax and savor the experience.

Foreplay is important. Experiment with new moves and learn her body. Understanding her needs and preferences will make things quicker and more enjoyable.

Watch for changes: faster breathing, muscle tension, and color changes. Pay close attention to her body language to see if she is close to orgasm.

Notice the darkening of her inner labia and the retraction of her clitoris. Feel for the absence of the head when she is close to climax.

Keep her legs close together for better muscle spasms. The tighter the fit, the better. This helps her to stay on track.

Hold her firmly. Don't let her move too much. Being still and focused is a good way to guarantee a focused, steady, and fulfilling orgasm.

Introduce anal stimulation gently. Use a fingertip and lubricant if needed. Remember, it's about stimulation, not penetration, to enhance the experience.

Keep hygiene a priority by designating a specific finger for anal stimulation. Ensure clear communication and pay attention to comfort levels to avoid any discomfort.

Stay cool and calm as excitement builds. Use small, light tongue strokes to keep control and extend enjoyment. Mix up your rhythm to increase tension before the big moment.

Use specific techniques like Pollock's precise strokes or Seurat's dot-like licks for variety. Imagine a frog's swift tongue to surprise her softly, enhancing her pleasure.

Help her relax and feel good about oral sex. Let her know you enjoy it and give her time to learn. Don't worry if she doesn't orgasm right away. Keep trying.

If she wants sex instead, make it smooth. Don't break the mood or lose the feeling you already built up with kissing. Keep the good times rolling.

Learn to recognize the signs of genuine arousal and climax, like breathing, muscle tension, and contractions, to truly understand her experience.  

Stay calm, focused, and gentle during her orgasm, mimicking an unhurried, wave-like rhythm that teases her toward satisfaction with slow, deliberate movements.

Help her get that first orgasm. Then, keep the mood going with kissing and cuddling. Wait a bit before touching her more, since she's extra sensitive.

Once you both feel good again, start touching her gently. Now is a great time for sex because she's already excited and ready for another orgasm.

Get her close to climax with kissing. Then, let her be on top. This lets her rub her clitoris just right, control the speed, and make the orgasm amazing.

Try a new way to do missionary: the CAT position. Focus on rubbing her clitoris with the base of your penis as you rock together gently. Keep that contact for extra pleasure.

If you want to finish together, rock to keep her clitoris stimulated. Don't stress about being fancy. Just focus on what feels good for both of you.

Enjoy doing the same things that work. Knowing each other's bodies makes sex better. Trust your instincts and have fun with it.

After the excitement, take time to cuddle and talk. Don't just roll over or leave. This is your chance to stay close and enjoy each other's company.

Don't rush away; be a good partner. Snuggle, whisper sweet things, and stay connected. This makes a big difference and shows you care, turning good sex into great sex.

Focus on establishing a strong connection through gentle, patient teasing and make sure she feels comfortable and deeply aroused before starting.  

Always pay attention to her responses; adapt your touch, stay present, and let her guide you to create a pleasurable and relaxed experience.

The final chapters contain a series of routines you can use as a foundation for exploring.

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