Secrets of Power Negotiating Summary

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Secrets of Power Negotiating unveils the subtle strategies and psychological tactics essential for mastering the art of negotiation. 

Dawson focuses on equipping readers with the knowledge to influence outcomes, create value, and achieve win-win scenarios in any negotiation setting. 

This book aims to transform you into a confident and effective negotiator.

Think of negotiating like chess with secret rules. Plan your moves carefully to influence the other person's reactions. Success comes from understanding and using these hidden rules to your advantage.

Start strong, maintain momentum, and finish powerfully. Master beginning, middle, and ending strategies. Aim for a win-win outcome where you achieve your goals while making the other party feel satisfied.

Always start by asking for more than you actually want. This creates wiggle room and makes your offer seem more valuable. It might even get you exactly what you want or help the other person feel like they won.

Figure out how much more to ask for by bracketing. Base your starting point on the other person's offer to find the middle ground. Get them to commit first so you can bracket them effectively.

Don't immediately agree to an initial offer, even if it seems great. It makes the other person wonder if they could have gotten more or if something is wrong. Instead, pause and consider your options.

Anticipate different reactions and avoid being caught off guard. Be prepared for higher offers than you expect. This will prevent you from agreeing too quickly and potentially missing out on a better deal.

React dramatically with shock when you hear an offer you don't like. This "flinch" shows your surprise and makes the other person rethink their proposal. If you don't flinch, they'll think they can get away with it.

Remember, people believe what they see more than what they hear. So, even on the phone, gasp audibly. Act surprised and unconvinced; a concession from the other side often follows a good flinch.

Set a positive tone at the start by avoiding confrontation. Instead of arguing, use "Feel, Felt, Found" to show empathy and gently shift the conversation. Acknowledge their perspective before offering your own viewpoint.

Remember "Feel, Felt, Found" to buy yourself time to think. When faced with hostility or unexpected remarks, use this phrase to maintain composure and respond thoughtfully. This approach helps de-escalate tension.

Example: You are selling something, and the other person says, “Your price is way too high.” If you argue with him, he has a personal stake in proving you wrong and himself right. Instead, you say, “I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly the same way as you do when they first hear the price. When they take a closer look at what we offer, however, they have always found that we offer the best value in the marketplace.

When selling, act like you don't really want to sell, even if you do. Show how much you love what you're selling to make the other person want it more. This can push their offer higher before you even start talking about the price.

When buying, pretend you're not sure you want to buy, even if you do. Show disinterest, then ask for the lowest possible price at the last moment. This tactic can push the seller to offer a better deal.

When someone makes an offer, simply say, "You'll have to do better than that." Then, be quiet and wait. They might just lower their price without you saying anything else.

If they use this tactic on you, ask "Exactly how much better do I have to do?" This forces them to be specific. Focus on the actual money you're saving or losing, not percentages.

Always have a "higher authority," even if it's just a vague committee. This lets you apply pressure without being confrontational. When others use this tactic, try to get them to admit they could approve your proposal.

If they insist on a higher authority, appeal to their ego. Get them to commit to recommending your proposal and use a "subject to" close. If pressured to decide too soon, say no, but offer a yes later.

After making a concession, immediately ask for something in return. The value of your favor fades quickly, so don't wait for them to "make it up" later. Get something tangible in the moment.

Always negotiate your fee or price before you provide the service. The perceived value of your work drops once it's done. Agree on the terms upfront to ensure you're properly compensated.

Avoid offering to "split the difference." Instead, highlight how close you are and let them suggest it. Then, act reluctant but agree, making them feel like they won the compromise.

Remember, splitting the difference doesn't have to be 50/50. If they suggest it, encourage them to split it again in your favor. This way, you get a better deal while still making them feel good.

When facing an impasse, don't mistake it for a complete deadlock. Instead, use the Set-Aside Gambit and say, "Let's set that aside for now." This keeps the conversation going.

Build momentum by resolving smaller issues first. Don't get stuck on major points right away. Agreement on smaller things can make the big decisions easier, so avoid just one sticking point.

When a negotiation stalls in a stalemate, change things up. Swap team members, move the location, or ease the tension with humor. Small shifts can restart the progress.

Consider changing the finances or sharing the risks. Adjust the delivery or packaging to make it more appealing. Explore arbitrating future disputes. Keep trying new things until you regain momentum.

To resolve a true deadlock, bring in a neutral third party. This could be a mediator who helps find a solution or an arbitrator whose decision both sides must follow.

If you're the third party, establish neutrality by making a small concession early on. However, don't fear deadlocks, as a willingness to walk away strengthens your negotiating power.

Whenever someone asks for a concession, always ask in return, "If we can do that for you, what can you do for me?" You might be surprised by what you get.

This tactic stops them from constantly asking for more and elevates the value of your concession for later use. Don't ask for something specific, leave it open-ended to get the best offer.

Recognize when someone's playing "Good Guy/Bad Guy." If two people are negotiating, watch for one being nice and the other tough. Once identified, call them out on it; embarrassment usually stops it.

Create your own "bad guy" to counter their tactic or go over their heads, but be careful. Just knowing they're using the trick can help you handle it better. Don't be afraid to enjoy it.

After reaching an agreement, try Nibbling – asking for something small you didn't get before. People feel good after agreeing, making them more likely to say yes.

Watch out for others Nibbling on you at the end, when you're feeling relieved. Counter it by showing them the cost of extras in writing and making them feel a bit cheap for asking.

Avoid predictable patterns in your concessions. Don't offer the same amount each time, as this encourages them to keep pushing. Also, never give your entire range at once.

Make your last concession small to avoid creating hostility. Taper your offers, reducing the amount each time, to signal that you're reaching your limit and discourage further demands.

When someone is grinding you down, use the Withdrawing an Offer Gambit. Take back your last price concession to stop the behavior. They'll likely agree to your earlier offer.

To avoid direct conflict, blame a vague "higher authority" for the change, positioning yourself as on their side. But know this can be risky and might break the deal.

When dealing with a skilled negotiator, use the Positioning for Easy Acceptance Gambit. Offer a small, final concession to let them "win" and save face, allowing the deal to close.

Always congratulate the other person after negotiating, regardless of how well you think they did. Make them feel good about the outcome to ensure a positive relationship for future deals.

Watch out for "decoy" issues the other side emphasizes. They might not be real problems, but a way to distract you and get concessions on what they truly want.

If they seem offended by something small, it might be a ploy. Stay focused on the key issues and don't get sidetracked by their theatrics; identify the real underlying concerns.

Recognize when the other side is using a "Red Herring" - a fake issue used to distract you and force a trade. They'll drop it in exchange for something they actually want.

Stay focused on the real issues at hand. Don't let them tie a Red Herring to a concession you don't want to make. Be aware and don't get sidetracked.

If you're a buyer, seek itemized bids to find the lowest prices for each component. Then, try to "Cherry Pick" by getting your preferred seller to match those lower prices.

If you're a seller, gain extensive knowledge about competitors. This deters buyers from Cherry Picking by making you the go-to expert. Limit their alternatives to enhance your negotiating power.

Be wary of deals that seem too good to be true and when the other side makes an obvious mistake. Point out the error, rather than trying to exploit it; honesty builds better relationships.

Recognize when someone's leading you to an "erroneous conclusion." Be careful when correcting their questions to avoid accidentally agreeing to something you didn't intend; stay vigilant.

Recognize when someone tries the "Default Gambit" - making assumptions in their favor and hoping you won't object. Call them out on it immediately and firmly.

Don't let them establish a precedent. Respond promptly and politely to unethical tactics, emphasizing that you expect better behavior and adherence to agreed terms going forward.

When someone tries to escalate demands after agreeing, remember integrity. Decide if honoring the original deal is more important than the added cost, and don't let emotion cloud judgment.

If escalation occurs, counter by appealing to your own Higher Authority and/or escalate your own demands in return. Avoid future escalation by detailing everything up front.

Be wary of information gained secretly; it often holds undue weight. Don't trust it blindly, as you can't verify its accuracy or complain if it's misleading.

Whenever negotiating based solely on information the other side presents, be extra cautious. They may be planting false details for you to "discover" so scrutinize all data diligently.

Let the other person state their position first whenever possible. Their initial offer may be better than expected, or it gives you information to bracket and negotiate effectively.

If they force you to go first, use tactics like "pleading poor" or "higher authority" to influence their expectations without committing to a firm position; and the less you know, the more critical the principle.

In negotiations, acting a little "dumb" can be surprisingly effective. By seeming less knowledgeable, you diffuse competition and encourage others to help you.

Ask for explanations and definitions, but avoid seeming ignorant about your own area of expertise. Diffuse competition and create an environment that allows for you to win.

Always aim to write the contract, as it gives you a significant advantage. You'll think of overlooked points and can phrase them to your benefit.

Keep detailed notes during the negotiation to ensure all agreed terms are included in the contract. Review it with your team and consider prepping it before you begin; it's essential.

With computer-generated contracts, always read the entire document, even if it seems familiar. Unethical parties may slip in changes elsewhere while correcting something else.

To easily find any discrepancies, compare the old and new versions. Using your computer is more helpful by scanning them and using comparison software/features from software like Microsoft Word.

Always think in "real money terms," even when the other side presents costs in smaller increments. Calculate the total expense to see the true value.

Recognize when someone's using "Funny Money" to minimize costs. Interest rates, monthly payments, or per-item costs can obscure the total amount.

Leverage the power of the printed word; people tend to believe what they see in writing. Use presentation binders, letters, and formal proposals to increase your credibility.

Always put key details in writing, even if you've discussed them verbally. Back up phone negotiations with faxes or emails and document expectations to ensure everyone is aligned.

Focus on the "ball" - the movement of concessions - and not the other person's actions. Don't be thrown off by their emotional displays or tactics; stay centered.

Keep track of your progress in the negotiation. Ask yourself, "Where are we now, compared to where we started?" regardless of the other side's theatrics. Only the progress matters.

Always congratulate the other person after the negotiation, even if you feel you got the better deal. Let them feel they won.

It is the ultimate courtesy, and sets the stage for future positive interactions. Help them feel they won to reinforce your strategy and leave a lasting impression.

When negotiations stall, remember to use the skills from earlier chapters. Handle impasses by setting aside difficult topics, stalemates by changing the situation, and deadlocks by getting outside help.

Learn how to act as a mediator or arbitrator to facilitate agreements. Master conflict resolution techniques from hostage negotiators to address and overcome tough challenges.

If you're in a deadlock, consider mediation as a less costly, non-binding dispute resolution option. Mediate before litigating and remember, a mediator helps to find a middle ground.

Select a neutral mediator with expertise in the conflict's area. In this process, concentrate on facts rather than emotions, listen actively, and stay flexible for a compromise.

To resolve disputes, consider arbitration: it is quicker and cheaper than lawsuits. Both sides choose a neutral arbitrator or a panel to make a decision.

Unlike mediation, arbitration results in a winner and a loser. Follow high ethical standards, select a neutral arbitrator, and be ready to comply with that result; also keep the process moving.

Stay calm and listen carefully when someone is upset. Let them share their feelings without interruption. Try to understand what's making them angry or hurt. This helps to calm things down so you can work it out together.

Find out what the other person wants to fix the problem. Share what you can offer without losing anything big for yourself. Focusing on what you both care about can help you find a solution that makes everyone happy.

Be tough, but don't be mean. Sometimes, just knowing you could push hard is enough. Keep your cool, and don't show all your cards at once.

Think about what makes the other person tick. What are they afraid of losing? Knowing this helps you guide them gently toward a better deal for you, without being a bully.

Nail down every little thing right away. Don't put anything off until "later." What seems small now can become a big problem when time is running out.

Don't let them know when you have to finish. If they know you're in a hurry, they'll wait until the last minute to push for more. Patience can help you get more of what you want.

Find out everything you can. Ask questions, even if they seem hard. Knowing what the other person really wants gives you a big advantage.

Talk to people who aren't directly involved. Insiders and friends can give you the real scoop. Knowing the whole story helps you make the best deals.

Be ready to walk away. If you're not okay with saying "no," you'll always get a bad deal. Have other choices ready so you can leave without looking back.

Let them know you're willing to walk. Show them you have options and won't be pushed around. If they think you'll leave, they're more likely to give you what you want.

Be gentle, not pushy, when showing you're ready to walk away. Don't say "take it or leave it." Instead, say, "That's as low as I can go."

If they say "take it or leave it," try to find someone higher up to talk to. Or, ask them what it would take to change their mind, even a little bit.

Do something, then act like it's already agreed upon. This works best when the other person doesn't want to make a fuss. But be careful—it can make people mad.

When in doubt, be direct. If you do not want to argue, send a check for what you think is fair. When you make changes to a contract, send the changes back. It might work.

When someone gives you a problem, check if it's real. See if it's a big deal or just a test. Ask questions to find out the real story.

Don't take on other people's problems. It is their problem. Make them solve their own problems. Focus on what you need.

Don't make threats you can't keep. If you say you'll do something, be ready to do it. If you don't, you lose all power.

When someone threatens you, don't panic. Ask questions, say you can't promise anything, or stall for time. Sometimes, the best thing to do is call their bluff.

Remember that people from different places may think and act differently. Movies and TV shows don't always show how they really are.

Even if they look and sound like you, they might have different values. Be aware of these differences and adjust how you talk to them.

When negotiating, remember that other cultures value relationships over contracts. Spend more time building trust and understanding before diving into the details of any deal.

Take your time. Don't rush into business discussions. Observe, listen, and then speak. Showing respect by considering their proposals thoughtfully builds stronger, more successful partnerships.

When meeting Americans, be direct and to the point. A simple "Great!" can often be the perfect response. Also, be prepared for idioms. These colorful expressions are common, but don't take them literally.

Show enthusiasm for America and its accomplishments. Appreciate their patriotism, and remember that they take pride in their country. Avoid criticizing their homeland, as that could offend them.

Be mindful of your directness, as it can be seen as abrasive. Resist the urge to rush negotiations; allow time for relationship-building. Also, familiarize yourself with foreign languages to demonstrate respect.

Prepare for silent periods. Don't feel pressured to fill the quiet; patience can be a powerful tool. Also, it's okay to admit you don't know something. Not every question needs an immediate answer.

Before meeting someone, learn about their culture. Knowing customs can help you avoid accidental insults. With the English, be polite, don't ask personal questions, and be patient, as they value relationships.

Remember that Asians prefer relationships over contracts. Be ready for favors, as reciprocity is important. The French like logic and elegance. Don't rush business during meals, and be prepared for long discussions.

Focus on the person, not just the deal. Get to know the individual you're negotiating with, so you can tailor your approach to them.

Remember, negotiating is a skill you can learn. Watch how others act, listen carefully, and adjust your style to match theirs.

Watch their body language. Gestures, expressions offer insights into how others are feeling. It's easier to understand face to face.

Learn the meanings behind the moves. Changes in blink rate and posture can give away their state. Use your own body language to your advantage.

Words can hide secret plans. Tune into how they say it, not just what they say. Little phrases can give away big intentions.

Find their favorite sense. Do they say "I see" or "I feel"? Talk to them in their own way, so they truly understand you and your great offer.

Be brave. Ask tough questions to find out more than others can. You'll see what really matters. Patiently keep going and find answers together.

Always try to make it win-win. Have the courage to ask for more than they will give. Good listening and honesty will set up the deal for success.

Get comfy with not knowing everything. Embrace the unexpected, you never know what surprise will bring a better deal. Resilient behavior results in wins.

Treat it like a fun competition, try and test those competitive muscles. Aim for respect, not hugs. You're there to find fair ground for a win-win result.

Remember both sides need a deal. You know what pushes you, so don't forget they're under pressure too. Think about their problems as well.

Know the game you're playing. Negotiation follows rules, even if they're hidden. Never let "no" shut you down, but treat it as an opening to proceed.

Take control in life. Understand personal power. Develop your skills. If others control you, it's your responsibility to fix it.

Focus on using power wisely. Control and manipulate, to help, not hurt. Learning these skills will boost success, in negotiations and in life.

Claim your rightful title and use those initials too. If you do, you can make sure to negotiate from a stronger place. Build legitimate power.

Don't be scared by fancy titles. Focus on the deal, not the person.

Know how you benefit others. List rewards you give to clients, and help them see they're lucky to work with you. Convince customers, then give them all of you.

Recognize when they use reward power on you. If they imply reward, don't fall for it and feel that the benefit is high. Know your worth as well.

Know your power to affect them. You can punish or reward. But using both with skill is important for being successful.

What do they fear losing most? Use it, but be respectful.

Show you have a consistent set of values that guide your choices. Have the courage to stand by your principles, even if it means risking a deal. People will trust and respect you for it.

When someone uses their values to pressure you, find out if there have been exceptions. If not, explain why times have changed. Demonstrate that their values, while good, may not fit today's reality.

Project genuine care for everyone you meet, treating them as the most important person that day. Caring for others is important and will make people want to be around you.

When someone charms you, pause before making concessions. Ask yourself, "Would I offer this if I didn't like this person?" Don't let charisma cloud your judgment.

Become the go-to person. Always learn and try, you need to stay ahead of trends. That way, everyone needs your advice.

When others brag about their wisdom, don't get insecure. Admit when you don't know the answer, you're doing what is right for yourself.

Some people get power from the situation. If they do, they love it. Just knowing that gives them the power to control you.

When they've got all the power, don't fight it. Know that you are going to lose, and be nice. The next time, you will have more power.

Share information to connect with others. It builds trust and strengthens relationships. However, remember that in today's world, information is easily accessible, so withholding it has less impact.

Don't reveal that you were instructed to do something; frame it as your own idea. Also, don't be intimidated if the other side needs time to discuss; it could be a tactic.

Rate how others see your power, from your position to your values. Aim for a balanced score to be effective. Remember that too much power can be intimidating.

Combine values, charisma, and expertise to gain influence. Also, leaders with strong titles, rewards, values, and charisma can greatly impact others, for good or ill.

Convey that you're unpredictable to keep the other side guessing. This can be risky, but it can give you the upper hand. Showing how you’re different and better can be helpful.

Share risk to ease concerns. Showing that many are doing it makes others want to do it too. People are more comfortable if they see others doing something.

Figure out what really drives the other negotiator. Do they want to win at all costs, find a perfect solution, or satisfy their personal needs? Understanding their motives will help you.

When negotiators seem open to solutions, be wary. They might switch tactics. For those needing organizational approval, make the solution easy to sell to their team.

Aim for "win-win," where each side feels they won, even if they think the other lost. Serve their perception of winning through your tactics. They have to feel as if they got a bargain.

Keep many issues open to trade-off. It is easier to work out a deal by trading many different issues. Also, do more than you promised, making them feel valued and satisfied.

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